Before I begin, I want to make it clear your sobriety is something you most certainly gain. It’s not something you obtain. It’s much more of something you would achieve, not receive. It’s hard work, someone doesn’t just give it to you. You don’t just go down to Wally World and buy something that’s going to make you sober. You work at it. You gain it.
Now for the question. The simplest, easiest, most direct way to gain sobriety is to just stop drinking. I know that’s lame, but it’s true. The tricky part is to not ever drink again. That’s why you have to have a really good reason to stop your destructive behavior. And believe me, you probably don’t have to look very hard. In my life, there was my son; he was all the reason I needed. That isn’t to say I didn’t drink for a while when I finally got custody of him, and being the non-custodial parent for those couple of years prior certainly led to my drinking more and more, but he is the main reason why I stopped. I wanted to be the best dad I could and give him the best chances in life.
What kept me sober outside of that was knowledge. The more I found out about the disease and the more I realized how my family and my father affected my drinking, the more I understood it wasn’t something I needed to do. Nor, by that time, wanted to do. I grew up believing that fun and beer went hand in hand. I didn’t do anything enjoyable without having a beer or something else along for the ride. What surprised me the most after I stopped was that I had had so much more fun sober than I’ve ever had drunk and I enjoy the memories so much more because I actually remember them.
People drink for a number of reasons. But, people drink too much for only a few reasons. My father was an alcoholic, so I was raised in an alcoholic family, I didn’t know any different. I drank because my life really sucked, and the more it sucked, the more I drank. I was self-medicating myself because I also discovered I had anxiety and depressive symptoms. People who drink too much either drink to escape or drink to have fun. That is to say, someone may have started drinking while having fun, and for a certain amount of time, years probably, they continued to have fun while doing it. Then they woke up one day and realized drinking to have fun turned out to be not so much fun after all. Not to mention, it sure took a lot of alcohol to even find some semblance of fun. Drinking becomes a burden if you drink in excess every time you’re out having fun. If you’re in school, your education suffers, if you’re employed, your job suffers, if you’re married or in a relationship, your relationship suffers. People finally realize their life is going to shit when they look around them and see that they’ve destroyed every good thing they’ve ever had. I’m not saying everyone reaches that point. Some people never realize they have a problem. They are called high-functioning alcoholics. But I guarantee you they really aren’t that functional, they really aren’t happy, and the people in their lives really aren’t happy with them.
The other reason is to escape. Same principal, same result. I drink, it feels good, I sober up, it feels bad, I drink more, it feels better, I sober up, and it feels worse. It gets to the point very quickly that I have to drink just to feel okay. That’s another reason why it’s so hard to stop. The day you stop, you start to feel worse, the next day, worse than the day before. I’ve found, by trial and error that if I was able to stop for three days, I would start to notice an improvement in how I felt on day four. I would start feeling better. After that, it was just one day at a time.
I’m actually in the editing process of a self-help book I am publishing entitled, “It’s Never Too Late: Be True to Yourself” that really has a very good explanation of my personal method in it and I really believe it will help those of you who happen to struggle with addiction and even those of you who know someone who does. At the very least, you might discover something you didn’t know and it will lead you to ask more questions and search for more answers.
The same old cliché applies, though. The only person who is going to get you to stop drinking is you, and it’s a very difficult struggle that lasts years. And then, after you start on the road to recovery, you’ll find it’s something that never leaves you, either. But eventually, doing without seems so much more productive than having it in your life. You just have to truly want to stop. Then you’ll see why life is so much better without it. My life completely changed when I stopped. I rediscovered myself and who I truly was. Now I’m doing the things I love to do and I have no reason to ever go back down that road.
There are those people who are luckier than me who can see what a detriment alcohol and drug abuse is without going through their own personal hell. They are called social drinkers. Others were raised in hell and never knew any better, much like me and many of my siblings. The only difference is, they continue to deny their problem because they have refused to accept the fact they are all adult children of an alcoholic. I would venture to bet most people who abuse drugs and alcohol are from families who fall into that category. If your father, mother, grandfather, or grandmother used to drink a lot, you really should take a good hard look at your own consumption and ask yourself if you’d be better off without it. If you already know the answer to that question or you’ve hit bottom for the last time, then it’s time to make that commitment. In my opinion, there was never any need for alcohol in the first place. It’s an evil drug. Everyone is better off without it.
Yes, really, you are.
Yes, really, you are.
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